Budgeting as a couple can be difficult. Financial topics are often not about dollars and cents, and many of us carry some trauma around past experiences with money, which can add another layer of complexity. However, being on the same page financially is critical to a strong relationship, and budgeting can be the launch pad for positive money conversations.

Before you start your budget

The primary purpose of following a budget is to ensure you meet your financial goals. But before you start, you and your partner must decide what your goals will be. Having shared goals ensures you’re on the same page and working together. It’s also a lot easier to make sacrifices and put effort into tracking your spending if you’re both aligned on why you’re doing it.

Find out what each person values and where they enjoy spending most. Some people value eating at nice restaurants, others want to travel, and some want to wear designer clothes. Few families can spend as much as they want in all categories. Understanding what is and isn’t important can help you direct funds to the categories that matter most.

You’ll also want to discuss the day-to-day mechanics of your finances. For example, some couples put all their income into one checking account, while others separate their funds. Some use a hybrid method of having a shared household account while each spouse also keeps separate accounts for their own spending.

How to set up finances as a couple

Every couple is different, and how you set up your finances will be as unique as you are. That said, here are some general guidelines to follow.

1. Set your financial goals

While setting your financial goals, think short, mid, and long-term. Choose something that both spouses are excited about and set realistic time frames.

Short-term goals typically fall within one year. For example, you might set a goal to stop using credit cards to get through the month or to save up for a more significant purchase.

Mid-term goals have a time frame of three to five years and give you something to look forward to. For example, you might save for a down payment for a house or a brand-new car.

Long-term goals have a time frame of over five years and can provide long-term financial security. Examples include saving for retirement or paying off your mortgage.

2. Calculate your joint income and expenses

It’s time for the math!

Income: The first step in a joint budget is determining how much you earn each month. This might be fairly straightforward if you are both a full-time employee and earn a regular income.

However, it can get complicated if someone earns income from a business, side hustle, or works hourly with a flexible schedule. To budget fluctuating income, I recommend using a slightly lower-than-average month as your baseline and planning for the extra income from a good month.

Expenses: First, list your recurring items, which are the bills you must pay no matter what. This is rent, minimum debt payments, utilities, etc. Then, add other necessities such as groceries and gas. Next, include money to meet the goals you’ve set. Lastly, extras, such as spending at restaurants and other quality-of-life items, should be added.

It may take some fiddling to get it all set. If you’re following a zero-based budget, try to decide what you will do with each dollar of expected income. If you run out of funds before you are done, you’ll want to go back and reassess. This is when you return to your values and decide where you can cut and where you can’t.

3. Create your budget

A budget has two parts: planning your spending and tracking your spending.

Take what you learned above and begin your official budget. You can use whatever method feels most comfortable to you. Most people find using a spreadsheet or a budgeting app like Lunch Money to be the easiest way.

Spreadsheets and apps can both do the calculations for you, which is nice, but an app can also automatically import your bank account and/or credit card transactions, making it easier to keep track of your spending.

What’s great about Lunch Money is that it can accommodate several different budgeting methods, including zero-based, envelope, and 50/30/20 budgets.

Remember, when setting up your categories, less is more. You can always get more detailed later if you need to, but the more categories you set up, the more tedious it will be to keep everything organized.

4. Monitor your budget regularly

For a budget to be effective, you should engage with it regularly. This starts at the beginning of each pay period as you divide your income amongst your various budget categories. It also helps to monitor your transactions against your spending and savings goals.

The more often you check in, the less overwhelming the process will be. If you check your transactions daily, there will only be a few to deal with, and you’ll easily remember each transaction and the category to which it should be assigned. However, if several weeks go by between check-ins, you could have dozens of transactions to process, and you’ll be testing your memory for each one.

Checking in regularly also helps you stay on track. If you notice on the 10th of the month that you have spent almost all of your restaurant budget, you’ll know to cut back for the rest of the month. You can’t make these adjustments if you only look at your budget once a month.

Pro tip: When setting up your budget categories, you and your partner can keep things simple or create a long list of detailed categories. It’s really up to you. Lunch Money also allows you to create category groups into which individual categories roll.

For example, you might set “Insurance” as a category group and have separate categories for the different insurance premiums you pay each month, such as “Term Life,” “Auto,” or “Health Insurance.” or you can roll them all up into a single “Insurance” category.

5. Make adjustments if needed

No budget is perfect, especially when you are getting started. It is extremely common to adjust the budget as you go along. These adjustments are not a sign that you’ve failed at budgeting but that day-to-day life can be unpredictable.

If you and your partner exceed your budget in a particular category, decide together how you will cover that overage. You could take money from another budget category or your savings — or, worst case, increase your debt.

Also, discuss why the overage happened. If you had an unexpected expense, note it and move on. Perhaps the original budget amount was not realistic to begin with. If this is the case, you’ll want to adjust future budgets.

If the overage was due to carelessness, discuss how to prevent this in the future. Remember that you can always return to the discussion on values. Sometimes, we don’t even know our values until they are tested. Perhaps you thought skipping lunch with your coworkers wasn’t a big deal until you were alone in the breakroom with a sandwich. If this is the case, reevaluate your budget.

It’s also important not to place blame when adjustments need to be made. If the overage was an honest mistake or misalignment of values, just adjust and move on. It’s not a character flaw of yours or your spouse’s when this happens; it’s life. However, if dishonesty was involved, that isn’t an issue with the budget and speaks to deeper relationship issues.

Couples budgeting with Lunch Money

Lunch Money makes it easy to budget as a couple. You can invite your spouse , but unlike some budgeting apps, they get their own login and password, so there’s no sharing needed. The person who initially signs up is the “admin” of the account and can do a few things other collaborators can’t, such as create new budgets, delete old budgets, invite new collaborators, and change the payment method.

Besides that, each collaborator has equal access to the budget and can make changes to the budget, categorize transactions, and pull reports. Collaborators can also see details such as who updates a transaction in the change history, who created a transaction, or who linked which bank account.

Collaborators can also create their own budgets; however, this makes them the “admin” of that budget, meaning they must pay their subscription costs.

Note: While this article focuses on couples budgeting, there are no limits to Lunch Money’s collaboration feature. You can also invite other family members or a financial coach.

How to make budgeting fun as a couple

Budgeting as a couple doesn’t have to be tedious — it can be fun and bring you closer together. If talking about money is stressful, take it in short bursts. Having several short chats might work better than one long one.

Work together: Budgeting together with your partner allows you to learn, grow, and support each other as you work towards shared goals, providing a strong foundation for your relationship.

Money date nights: Set time aside to go over the budget. Find a cadence that is right for you, but consider either monthly or on payday. Listen to how your partner feels about the budget and if anything unusual has come up since your last talk.

Celebrate: For mid and long-term goals, set milestones to celebrate. Decide together what the celebration will be and get excited. Work towards the goal and celebrate together when it’s been accomplished.

Join a community: You’d be surprised how many people love discussing money and budgeting. Getting support from other couples working to budget together can be uplifting. You can make friends and learn new strategies. If you’re looking for a community to join, consider the Lunch Money Discord community!

Note: If talking about money always leads to fights, consider the help of a professional. Remember, a strong emotional reaction to finances is rarely about the money.

Final Thoughts

In many ways, how you spend your money reflects how you live your life. Being on the same page as your spouse will go a long way to improving both your relationship and your net worth. Working towards shared goals, learning your spouse’s values, and improved communication are all benefits that come from budgeting as a couple.